Rumination
by rynthae
Summary: Alfons Heidrich cannot let go of his feelings for Ed, even after death. Fortunately, he finds a way to get through to him: by possessing Alphonse Elric. Meanwhile, Al develops feelings of his own for Ed. Rating May Change.


Alfons Heidrich. If you had asked him while he was alive what happened after death, he would have told him that once the body was dead, so, too, was the mind. The idea of an immortal soul was unscientific.

Unfortunately, the universe seemed to think otherwise.

He had always thought of death itself to be a quiet affair. Your body loses function. Your brain stops sending signals. _The End._

He would never have thought that, after life had drained away from him, that there would be something left. He would never have thought that without a body, you could feel. And yet, here he was, in pain. He had tried to live his life the best way he knew how, knowing it was the only chance he would get, but it was surprising how many regrets he still had.

It tore at him, as time passed. He thought to himself dismally that time itself may no longer apply to him at all in any case, and perhaps these seemingly years of torment were little more than a second to anyone else.

The despair filled him like a hot air balloon, burning him from the inside out. It gave him solidity, though. The hazy, slowness that death had brought on began to be burned away by the agony of regret and loneliness. He felt like he was crying, and when he told himself he couldn't cry, that he no longer possessed a body to do as such, the tears just burned hotter and came faster.

Memories floated through his thoughts, each one with a painful ache. Longing. So, so many of them had him in them. His golden hair, tousled from the effects of his energetic personality. A mouth most often wrought in a mischievous grin. And worst of all, those eyes. The same eyes he had always regarded Alfons with in life. Eyes that never saw him. They saw only the past, only his own world, reflecting everything outside like a mirror; rejecting the very image in front of him.

_Ed_….

After awhile, he began to see things. Mostly, he saw Ed. Having snarky arguments with a darkhaired man, dumping milk down the sink, flushing red with anger whenever a person insinuated that he was or had ever been short. Despite a part of his mind whispering that none of this was real, that it was all a hallucination, Alfons watched. He followed, each sight feeling like his heart was tearing itself apart atom by atom. It hurt the least when he watched him sleep. Those determined, energetic features smoothed out into a peaceful, connection. He was beautiful. Had always been, but it always showed the most when he slept.

Except when nightmares haunted him, that is. So many times he called out in his sleep, pale with tears streaking down his cheeks, calling out to him. "Alfons… Alfons….!"

Alfons sat at the bed, and watched him. So many times.

"Brother..?"

A teen with similar tawny hair pulled back in a ponytail entered the room with a cup of water, hazel eyes settling on his sibling as his expression softened into a smile, realizing that Ed had fallen asleep straight after asking for the water. Quietly, he set the water down on the nightstand, hesitating before he left. He glanced down at his brother, and as Alfons watched, reached out to brush Ed's hair gently away from his face with a gentle smile.

If only that was me, Alfons thought to himself. He imagined the golden locks, soft and lank. Closed his eyes (if he had any), imagined fingertips brushing over soft skin. The sensations were so strong, so real, and when he opened his eyes, things had changed. Somehow.

When he looked down, he had hands. He had a body, fingers frozen in confusion behind Ed's ear.

A strand of tawny blond hair, too dark to be his own, slipped in front of one eye, and it was then that he realized what had happened.

It was Alphonse Elric's body. And somehow, he was in it.

As soon as the thought entered his mind, though, his skeptical thoughts tore at him, and pain filled him, as he was thrown out of Al's body. Alphonse Elric blinked a few times, pale and shaken, but shook his head to dismiss the strange experience of losing control of his own body.

_Even if this is all a dream,_ Alfons thought. _I've found a way to soothe this pain._

The next few days, Alphonse Elric wondered whether he was losing his mind or coming down with horrible sickness. He began to have periods of time where he lost control of himself, no longer even feeling connected to his body. He started seeing things; a young man with pale blond hair and blue eyes sitting at the foot of Ed's bed, watching him.

He began waking up feeling dizzy, as if he had been up all night, and was suffering from sleep deprivation, when the last thing he could remember was falling asleep.

Despite trying to hide it, Ed saw that something was happening. Concerned, he confronted his younger brother.

"Al, are you _sure_ you are feeling okay? You looked ready to faint at breakfast this morning, and you keep looking over at that corner. Honestly, the lamp can't be _that_ interesting."

Chills ran up Al's spin, glancing towards the translucent blond figure in the corner who, curious, stepped closer to hear the conversation. "I'm fine, brother, really." He smiled, trying his best to give a bright and cheerful smile, which ended up looking more like a wince.

"Please… Al, I know something is wrong. What is it?"

A resigned sigh tore itself from Al's lips, and he glanced down in his lap. The pained expression that crossed Ed's face wasn't one he could ignore. "I… I don't know. I just feel strange a lot, lately. Tired, and sometimes really just… distant. And there is this boy that I keep seeing…"

"Boy?" Ed raised an eyebrow. He glanced over to Al to measure his reply, only to see the familiar hazel irises shift to a crystalline blue, a foreign look crossing the boy's face, followed by a sad smile.

"Ed. Oh, Ed…. It's me…" Alfons wanted to reach out to him, reassure him that he was still there. That everything was okay.

"Al? What do you mean?" Ed's expression shifted, hesitation and fear filling those eyes.

Alfons reached out, gently brushing his cheek with one hand, with a sad smile. "Ed, it's me. Alfons."


End file.
